Chris..........
I think you are drawing a bit too much from my personal experience and painting with a bit too broad a brush regarding the behavior of doctors between your country and mine. I don't think as a whole that they really are.

I am being a particularly assertive patient, probably more than almost any other. I am able to be so because I HAVE done my homework and know that treatment for depression is not an exact science. So even the doctors don't have any clear cut answers. And although I am confident of the course of treatment I desire to take, if any doctor with their expertise and training were to tell me that I was clearly wrong and why, I would not hesitate to discuss it further with them and heed some of their advice. So far, my doctors have not been in disagreement enough with my decisions that I have had to ignore them or fail to follow their direction.

The disease of depression has unknown causes, the medications to attempt to treat it have different results for different people, and positive results can be very subtle. More subtle, I think, than a doctor may be fully able to discern in a twenty minute appointment. I however, live with myself 24/7, and have for 60 years.
So although the doctor may be more well trained on the possible courses of potential treatment, I hold that I am the one best able to determine if they are having any effect and what it is.

This is not a case of me having cancer, doing some reading on the internet, and marching into the doctor's office saying "I have read that the bark of the bobo tree in Yugoslavia has the best chance of me beating this, and that is what I am going to take. Get me some".

And I did not go to either doctor with that kind of attitude. I went with information, knowledge, and conviction. I discussed it with them, not argue with them. And both doctors were apparently sufficiently satisfied with my information, knowledge and conviction that they agreed to allow me to follow my chosen course of treatment.

I have tried two different drugs, worked with the dosages and assessed the results. One I have discontinued.......at least for now. The other I have found to be beneficial. That drug has only been on the market for 15 years. And I am in the process of trying a third one.

I will know if and when this journey arrives at it's end point.
Until then, I am the Captain of my ship.

Meow.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I'm very happy to read about your progress.

I am absolutely convinced now that my brain chemistry has been out of whack since birth.
And I have joked over the years here about days when 'all of my little brain chemicals were playing nice together'.
And that they were very rare days for me.

I can identify here, too. In fact, my brain's neurotransmitters only play nicely together for moments, not whole days. I'm not an irritable person per se, or deeply in one mood or the other, but mostly just have been blah all my life. Occasionally, though, the brain chemicals mesh in just the right way, and I feel what most people would probably call "normal". I've luckily never been an abuser of alcohol or other drugs or done anything excessively unwise. My degree is in psychology, but I've never been to a doctor about this, partly because as you described about your own situation, I've lived all my life like this, and I'm used to it.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm very happy to read about your progress.

I am absolutely convinced now that my brain chemistry has been out of whack since birth.
And I have joked over the years here about days when 'all of my little brain chemicals were playing nice together'.
And that they were very rare days for me.

I can identify here, too. In fact, my brain's neurotransmitters only play nicely together for moments, not whole days. I'm not an irritable person per se, or deeply in one mood or the other, but mostly just have been blah all my life. Occasionally, though, the brain chemicals mesh in just the right way, and I feel what most people would probably call "normal". I've luckily never been an abuser of alcohol or other drugs or done anything excessively unwise. My degree is in psychology, but I've never been to a doctor about this, partly because as you described about your own situation, I've lived all my life like this, and I'm used to it.

Funny you should use the term 'normal' in describing a good day.
The same term came up when I was discussing my history with the psych doctor. I told him that for most of my life I had been rather "manic depressive, but much more depressive than manic". He said "So you get a little crazy sometimes?" I replied "No, not real crazy, just more happy instead of depressed".

To which he answered "Then you are not manic. I think what you really mean is that once in a while, you feel normal".

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

"No, not real crazy, just more happy instead of depressed".

To which he answered "Then you are not manic. I think what you really mean is that once in a while, you feel normal".

Bingo.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Well, between the doctor to the pharmacy back to the doctor to the insurance company back to the doctor who is waiting to get preapproval from the insurance company for the pharmacy who is waiting on the doctor............................
I still don't have my prescription for modafinil yet.
Ya'd think I was given a scrip for freakin' heroin.

So, I am in a relatively better mood, which is very good. But little energy and just want to sleep with the kitties most of the time.
Not a totally bad thing, sleeping with the kitties. But I don't get much accomplished.

Meowsnooooooooooooooooooooooooze.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Ah, but you have accomplished much and still are. You're finding a way through the thickest of fogs, that has been denying you, 'direction'. So, a little time curled up with your furry friends, is time well-spent and deserved. That, is the very least that you deserve. Keep going, Mark.....moving forwards is not always in a straight line.

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Don't take life too seriously, as you'll never come out of it alive!

Thank you, Iona.
I am moving forward. And it seems to be getting just a little brighter as I do.

Latest development.......
My health insurance company finally agreed to the preauthorization request from my doctor for the modafinil.
The prescription was filled this morning, and I started on it today.
Insurance covered $300.00 and my out of pocket was $273.43 for 28 tablets, one per day. To my surprise, when I looked at them, they were NOT gold plated. When I reach my $1500.00 pharmacy deductible for the year, I will get more of a break...........I hope.

It seemed to give me a 'little' bit of a boost through work today, was not 'quite' as dragged out when I had my 10 hour shift in. Nothing monumental, but it did help a little bit. I'll just see how it goes as the days go on. The doctor started me out with 100mg/day dosage, and it should be 200mg for shift work sleep disorder. Not going to complain for now, at least I have the insurance company on board.
When it comes time for the next prescription, I will probably request that the doctor increase it to the full 200mg dosage. And may have to go through the whole preauthorization song and dance with the insurance company again. The pharmacist was not sure. I didn't ask the price for the higher dosage pills...........

But, for now I will take whatever help that the new meds offer me and keep plodding along, moving ahead as best as I can.
Another small step on my journey today.

Meow.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Sounds to me some solid progress even though not as fast as you might like. But a vast improvement upon some times last year. would you not say. So well done, keep it up :-)

Thank you, Chris.
Solid progress? Oh, yes indeed.
Not as fast as I might like? Actually, more than I ever thought possible just some four short months ago when I first started the medications.
Vast improvement? Yes, markedly so.

And my energy level with the modafinil should get a bit better. Steady state plasma concentration is in aprox. 3 days. This is just day two.

I am pleasantly surprised at my progress, not disappointed whatsoever.
Things are most assuredly getting better with each passing day and week.
Will I have some setbacks? I expect so, but nothing other than the usual ups and downs that 'normal' people have, I hope. And if I do, I am certainly much better equipped to handle them in a positive manner

I am well on my way to becoming the 'new, improved kittyman'..........LOL.
Better living through chemistry and medical science.
And I am proof that some forms of depression have treatable medical causes.
I was very blessed when I saw that door opened for me and I chose to take that first step through it.

Meow meow, and meow!

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Oh, and I put an application in yesterday at the shelter.
Just maybe getting ready for a possible pair of new kitties.
My ideal situation would be a bonded pair of young females.
Have not found the right ones yet, may be a while.
But, I am starting to look and just wanted to get the paperwork on file.

Meow.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

New meds must be helping just a little bit.
Had the ambition to go out in my back yard and hang up two bat houses that I bought a couple of months ago on ebay. They came complete with authentic powdered bats**t. Mix it with water and apply it to the bat house to attract them. Yup, I've officially gone bats**t crazy....LOL.
They may not find them until spring, but they are ready and waiting.

It's Thursday, last day of work this week, and then my 3 day weekend.
I usually put on some of my Kitten Fur cologne to celebrate Thursday.

Talked to my gal at the salon this morning.
Going from blond to jet black in a couple of weeks.
Actually easier on the hair just dyeing it instead of bleaching out my naturally brunette roots all the time to maintain the blond.
As it continues to grow out, I am going for an old Joan Jett pixie kinda look. Should be cute and fun.

Meow for now..............

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Got news from the shelter just before I went to work today.
My kitty application is approved.
They will keep it on file and active for 6 months in case I find the kitties of my dreams.

Meow!

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Yup, I've officially gone bats**t crazy....LOL.

Many have thought you had bats in the belfry :-)))

I am going for an old Joan Jett pixie kinda look. Should be cute and fun.

I'll take a rain-check on that if I may!

LOL......
You may take a rain check, Chris.
I am just being a Nyan Kitty lately.
And if dyeing my hair jet black makes me happy these days, I'm going for it!

Meow!

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Hmmmm.....
Should be able to afford that black dye job.
Just realized that I've been on the wagon for 4 months.

Seems that time flies even when you are NOT having 'too much fun'.

Meow.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Just put in an Amazon order for some more Feliway kitty spray and diffuser refills.
In preparation for some possible new kitty homing.

Meowjustincase.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Meow!

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Just put in an Amazon order for some more Feliway kitty spray and diffuser refills.

That stuff costs £10 for a 20ml spray in the UK. A total rip off!!

Yes, it is not inexpensive. But I would not call it a rip off.
Because both Lori and I have seen the positive results it has on some of our kitties.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Our latest black cat an 11 year old male needs to go to the vets for the annual jabs. Even using that stuff, no way is is he going in that cat basket !!!

No, it has a calming effect. It is not a sedative........LOL.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I'm hungry. Got any fruit?

Extra points for those that realize the significance of that statement.

Meow.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I'm hungry. Got any fruit?

Extra points for those that realize the significance of that statement.

Meow.

I just picked up a cantaloupe. Never can tell if it's going to be a good one or not.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm hungry. Got any fruit?

Extra points for those that realize the significance of that statement.

Meow.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3068502/Eating-fruit-make-hungry-sugar-triggers-cravings-experts-warn.html

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