So, I am faced with dealing with an almost impossible task of forgiveness.
Not sure I can do it this time. Too close to home, literally.
My thoughts are random at this time, because to concentrate them on one task would take me down forever.
I just have to get on with life in general and hope that my mind does not catch up with the fact that I am running away from it.
I am 60yo now, and do not have so many lives left that I can put this behind me.
Years ago, I could have.
Not anymore.
This is something I find I may never forgive in what little life I have left.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

He who would diminish me would also by inference, diminish my sons, my daughters.
You simply do not know what you are screwing with.
And who you are screwing with.
I have black magik.

Feel it now.

No one shall take my dragons.

I only know their power.
You shall be one day be on the receiving end.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I have black magik.
Feel it now.

I feel the magik:) (no typo)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPo9Gd2z6rI

You don't suppose I shall go away simply because you asked me to?
I have a dark side, but I have a bright side as well.
And you cannot have one without putting up with the other.
We, as in us...............come packaged together and whilst one condemnes the other, we shake hands more often than not.

We are part and parcel.
You may not have one and ignore the other.
That is part of the package, kids.
If you want the package, you cannot accept part of it and try to ignore the rest.

I am a package deal. Take the lot or forever ignore me in entirey.

Either way, I am assured that my deal here is and was the true thingy.
And none of you may ever take that from me..

My zone...............my place.
You simply do NOT get eveyrthing you want just by asking for it.
I give what and where I wish to.
Not because I was asked to.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

And I really must reign this in.
Because, as I speak of it, I find myself getting angrier by the second.
I am moments away from going next door and committing a crime that shall take away my own life.

(Talking to myself here)
Mark..........Mark...............
You are a rational man. Do not go there. What has been taken from you certainly cannot be replaced.
But, you cannot make it right by doing that.
So, being the man that you are, do not even consider going there.
The Lord above shall punish them in His time.
Not yours to administer their punishment.
(done talking to myself)

Have I convinced myself yet? Not sure.
Accept the things you cannot change..............hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Might have to, otherwise I shall explode in such a range of anger that even my inner self will be unable to control.

Think good things, Mark. Think about the kitties waiting for you to come back to bed.
Think about what God has granted, not about what they took away.
It shall come slowly to you.

But, it shall come eventually.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Here is the key.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;

That is the key.
Being an alpha male, I have always taken for granted that I controlled the universe.
I have only recently come to realize that I do not.
Only my small portion of it.
And yes, this is such a small world that I live in.

But, you also have to grant me this......................
I do not come from where you come from, Dr. Becker.

kpax is a long way from Earth.
A very long way.

You all consider me a nutcase.
Does not bother me.
Never did.
Never shall.

I am one lone individual here on the Seti boards that knows no shame.
Nor do I need to. I represent myself as who I am, and leave it to you to either accept me as that person, or deny my existence. Your to choose.

Now, before you render your decision, please take into account my life history and all that baggage I carry every day.

My father married my ex gf. My brother committed suicide before my very eyes, and I touched his still warm body on the morgue slab. You ever done that? I suspect not.

These are things most should or not ever could have experienced.

And yet, some would call me down.
A pox on you all for not even trying to understand, but to throw stones at a man who you simply do not understand.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Ya think?
I realize.....I haz it.
Read closely.

'People may also occasionally have false beliefs or see or hear things that others cannot.'
Sound familiar?

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Yet another story of a cat saved.
From the pages of Lovemeow.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

And just so you know my position on Christ and faith..................
I am not the only one, and I am NOT a newcomer.
There are many more who are coming around to see the light.

And again, I must express my thoughts that I do not press this upon anybody, ever.
I only wish to share my point of view.
You are completely free to also share it or discard it as you wish.
I am a believer. If you are not, I respect your right to be so.
I shall not denigrate you for your lack of belief.
As strongly as I believe, I also accept the fact that some of you do not.

But trust me, believing in something has a lot more traction than existing in a vacuum.
Which is all you have left if you take Christ out of the equation.
Enjoy.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I do not post this liightly.


The story of our Lof above has been embelished many times.

Jesus died a bad time..
I am one of the few that will still admit that I knew him..

I am so sad to know that so few of you no longer do so

Not yours to behold any longer.
I am becoming the most hated man on the planet.
Something I am not sorry about./

I shall be happy to die on your cross,
Bring it.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I shall be happy to die on your cross,
Bring it.

Like Brian:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M
Life is a piece of shit.
When you look at it.

Whatever:)

My problem was that my lack of a framework for my life led to denying that there was a reason for my life.
Why the anger?
That is just the start.
And in that one moment, Life changed.
I want revenge for m y suffering.
I want retribution.


Yoy do not take from me and ex[ect nothing in return/
You shall suffer as I have.
'
There are no excuses./

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Meow.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Some people's arrogance is at times only superseded by their angst over things they have no ability to control.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I seldom force myself to admit faults.
It is my cat thingy.
Cats seldom display weakness or injury, and hide pain and suffering, because if they do not, it is a sign for the predators to come in.
And many of you have swooped in to get in a bite or two.

I am alive and (somewhat) well, thank you very much.
I anticipate myself being on the Seti scene as long as the Lord above allows me to be assuming that the project reamains viable for that length of time.

I am not the powerhouse I used to be on the project. One by one, several computers I had going on the project faltered.
And, unless some suitable donors come forward, I am not able to replace them.

I shall always at any cost, keep something running doing the search. After all, I at least have to have a daily driver.

But, the days of the kittyman running more than any man could imagine..................are gone.
I just cannot do it anymore.
I am 60yo, and the main stress is my job, which I must maintain for at least 5 or 6 more years.
I love my job, but as I stated, I am 60yo, and things are not as easy as they used to be.

I have two very old cats, and when one of them leaves me, I am going to be devastated.
And it is coming. Bandit was coughing up furballs this morning, and I thought I was losing her.
Just a kitty furblall incident, but it scared the hell out of me at 4AM.

If I lost it and do not show up for two weeks or more, assume I have 'left the building'.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Uhmm.
What you do not know.
Imagine myself being discussing weapon mechanics.
I know my weapons...........
And these are not to your liking, I know more sources. I have more than a few I could have referred you to, but have cut all ties.
Like he says, I make my living on repeat business,
When you realize that the weapons business has no end, that long ago, appealed to me.
And I have just very recently retired. Pulling out, some are very angry. I have a few customers that no longer know where to go, and I have tried to refer all that I have to other sources.
Most are not, as I would not, be happy to be cut off from their familiar friends.
But, I am leaving the scene, and am doing what I can to help old friends adjust.

I may not survive this.................

Meowsigh.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Simple facts, you can research them if you like, but the show breaking bad was always strong on factual information to back up the show.

Me, I just carry a small handgun in my boot at all times.
And it shall serve me well if some bad guy trues to invade my quarters at half past nine in the morning whilst I am supposed to be sleeping soundly. And am not.

I am prepared.
And not ignorant of the threat.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

The only difference between you, and I and everbody else is this.
I know the difference between right and wrong.
The light and and dark.
I sometimes get confused betwixt the two, but I always find my way back home.

Some of you have not other way to deal with me other than to lash out with all you have in your defience of what I say.
I have a thousand other things I should say, but refrain for now.
I have a lot to do yet in what little is left of my life, and I am not going to waste it on those who hate me.

See ya on kpax.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

I tried so hard with you. All of you.
To understand my diseases.
I am now gone..............................
You can ask yourself why and discuss it adinfinitum.
For you shall have a very long time to do so.

See ya in ten years of so, if I am still alive to great ya then.

By by, kitties.
Just always remember that YOU killed the cat.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Yeah, magnets.
Likehis copper moment.
Yeah, like moths to a flame, you have all watched me go down in flames from time to time,
But, like dogs waiting for their next table scrap, you have all waited and panted for my next post.
You are no better than I am.

Life does not grant you any special benefits. Death is coming for you the same as it is for me.

If that galls your bull, so be it.
Your time is coming, same as mine is.

Meow.

---

"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."