They're Made Out of Meat

>From the collection
Bears Discover Fire and Other Stories
by Terry Bisson

³They¹re made out of meat.²

³Meat?²

³Meat. They¹re made out of meat.²

³Meat?²

³There¹s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of
the
planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way
through. They¹re completely meat.²

³That¹s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the
stars?²

³They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don¹t come from them.
The
signals come from machines.²

³So who made the machines? That¹s who we want to contact.²

³They made the machines. That¹s what I¹m trying to tell you. Meat made the
machines.²

³That¹s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You¹re asking me to
believe
in sentient meat.²

³I¹m not asking you, I¹m telling you. These creatures are the only
sentient
race in that sector and they¹re made out of meat.²

³Maybe they¹re like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence
that
goes through a meat stage.²

³Nope. They¹re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of
their life spans, which didn¹t take long. Do you have any idea what¹s the
life span of meat?²

³Spare me. Okay, maybe they¹re only part meat. You know, like the
weddilei.
A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.²

³Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the
weddilei.
But I told you, we probed them. They¹re meat all the way through.²

³No brain?²

³Oh, there¹s a brain all right. It¹s just that the brain is made out of
meat! That¹s what I¹ve been trying to tell you.²

³So . . . what does the thinking?²

³You¹re not understanding, are you? You¹re refusing to deal with what I¹m
telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat.²

³Thinking meat! You¹re asking me to believe in thinking meat!²

³Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat
is
the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start
all over?²

³Omigod. You¹re serious then. They¹re made out of meat.²

³Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they¹ve
been
trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.²

³Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?²

³First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the
Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The
usual.²

³We¹re supposed to talk to meat.²

³That¹s the idea. That¹s the message they¹re sending out by radio. OHello.
Anyone out there? Anybody home?¹ That sort of thing.²

³They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?²

³Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.²

³I thought you just told me they used radio.²

³They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how
when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their
meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their
meat.²

³Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you
advise?²

³Officially or unofficially?²

³Both.²

³Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all
sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without
prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the
records
and forget the whole thing.²

³I was hoping you would say that.²

³It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact
with meat?²

³I agree one hundred percent. What¹s there to say? OHello, meat. How¹s it
going?¹ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?²

³Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers,
but
they can¹t live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C
space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility
of
their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.²

³So we just pretend there¹s no one home in the Universe.²

³That¹s it.²

³Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who
have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You¹re sure they won¹t
remember?²

³They¹ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and
smoothed out their meat so that we¹re just a dream to them.²

³A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat¹s
dream.²

³And we marked the entire sector unoccupied.²

³Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others?
Anyone
interesting on that side of the galaxy?²

³Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen-core cluster intelligence in a
class-nine star in G445 zone was in contact two galactic rotations ago,
wants to be friendly again.²

³They always come around.²

³And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe
would be if one were all alone . . . ²

---

Mmmmm.... Meat!

---

I remember reading this story in Omni magazine in 1992. I enjoyed it as much now as then, thanks for the post.

BTW, the story posits a more plausible explanation for the Fermi Paradox than anything else I have read anywhere in the SETI boards.

Anyone interested in the original author's post of this story can find it here:

http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html

---

- Skeptic - "... and there is no intelligent life in Washington D.C. either."

Somewhere there should be a sequel to this. A largely political tale, about cover-ups, complete with a climactic BBQ scene ;). Mmmmm, ribs.

---

Still looking for something profound or inspirational to place here.

Somewhere there should be a sequel to this. A largely political tale, about cover-ups, complete with a climactic BBQ scene ;). Mmmmm, ribs.

The Meatfather?
Miami Meat?
Meat Gate?
Meat over Miami?
Star Meat?
The Adventures of Robin Meat.

---